You Are Loved. Do You Really Believe It?

God's Word is full of stories, descriptions and promises of how He loves us.  The question is not if He loves us but rather do we believe it?  His Word tells us that we need power (Holy Spirit in us) to understand God's love for us. Also, we must experience it so that we may be filled with the fullness of life and power (Eph. 3:18-19).  Stay with me here...

What is the fullness of life and power?  I can see God's love even in those words.  He wants me to know the fullness of life.  He wants me to know the fullness of His power at work in me.  Beautiful! 

So how does this happen?  Bent knees.  Bent hearts.  It requires a submission to God.  A submission to His Lordship.  Bow your heart to Him and in His presence you will experience His love for you.  When He speaks it to you it changes you.

As I yield to God and allow the Holy Spirit to work in me I find that I am become the real me.  He is peeling off layers of falseness that I didn't even know were there.  How many times do we pick up and put things on out of a desire to be loved and accepted?  Masks, and attitudes, and character qualities that we take on only because we seek other peoples love and acceptance?  Layer upon layer we cover and hide who we really were intended to be.  A loving God speaks the truth to each one of those things.  When you submit to Him you find true joy and freedom in becoming who He created you to be.

I have been experiencing this more and more.  When I set aside time to spend with Him and let Him fill me daily, newly, with His Holy Spirit (yesterday's manna doesn't sustain you today) He speaks to me and peels away the layers.

Recently, in worship, He spoke to my heart about His love for me.  He spoke to the very core of who I was and told me the things about me that He loves.  He specifically pointed to insecurities that I have had and told me that He loved those things about me. It blessed my heart so much!  He didn't say "You know those ways that you don't measure up to others? Well, you need to work on those."  No, He said "You know that girl who struggles with what to say, what words to use, and when?  I love that girl and I love that about you!" I saw a picture of an onion in my mind as He spoke and every thing about me that He told me He loved was another layer of the onion that was peeled off until all that was left was me...the core...the real, true me.  That is the me that He so longs for me to be.

Imagine it!  Isn't that the essence of love?  Knowing the real you and setting you free to be that person?  Loving you so much that He pours out His love on you so that you can fully become everything you were created to be.

When I see myself from God's perspective I learn to love the way He created me. The ways I tried to hide my insecurities become very unappealing.   I find myself stopping to think about things like "Do I really like to dress like this or do I just wear it because I think it makes me fit in?"  "Am I doing today what God would have me do or I am doing things I feel are necessary to gain others acceptance?"

It truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you when you know the heart of love the Father has for you.  This is where Satan lies to us all of the time. Satan knows how dangerous the real you is to his agenda.  The real you is filled with truth, overcomes, conquers, is powerful, and nothing can hold back the tidal wave of love that flows from a heart that fully knows and understands they are loved by the Creator of all!

I didn't mean for this to turn into such a lengthy post but I love getting to share what God is doing in my heart and if you made it this far, thank you for reading.

Have a WONDERFUL day!!

Remembering My Son...

Today marks 8 years since the birth and death of my first son Nathan. I have shared about it before here.  I am remembering him today and all that he meant to us.  I am thanking God for the time we had with Nathan and how good He was to us through his loss.

I am humbled by God's goodness in it all.  Honestly, if I had to go through it all again I would. Not because I would welcome the pain of loosing a child again but rather because I no longer doubt that God causes everything I go through to work for my good.  He used a precious little life to change mine forever.

When we lost Nathan we were reminded that God, gave his only son for us. How real that became as I felt the sting of pain of grief that come at the loss of a child, our first son, that we had so greatly desired. God sent His one and only Son...to die, for me! I cannot help but be amazed that God, my God, willingly went through that for me. 

When we had the memorial service for Nathan I had written out a prayer and had a friend read it. I thought I would share those words again today. 

Heavenly Father,

How good you have been to me. You blessed me so richly with a  precious son.

You breathed Your life in him and formed him perfectly with Your hands.

You showed me Your great love for me by letting me meet him and touch him and speak to him.

I praise you for every moment of his life, inside of me, and out.

Even when you took him, Your peace and comfort were thick around me.

He went into Your presence peacefully.

You never give us more than You give us the strength to bear.

I praise You and thank You for allowing me to be Nathan's mommy.

For allowing me to love him in life and death.

Thank You for the comfort of knowing that I will see him again one day.

I see Your beauty in every detail of all that took place.

How great is Your love for us that you met every need and ever so gently hold us through this time.

Thank you for allowing me to have a place to share my memories of Nathan.  I know that every mother who has ever lost a child will never forget them.  I invite you to share your story too if you would like.  I would love to know about your child.  Each and every one is precious!

Blessings,

Something of Pure Beauty

So, as I found myself in the heap of flesh and tears on the floor in a closet that I spoke about in yesterday's post, I wondered how long I would be there.  The place I found myself was not a pit of despair but rather a hopeful end of myself and a beginning of something of pure beauty.  You see, it is pressed against the floor in utter humility where grace abounds more richly and deeply than when I stand up tall with everything in place.

It is there where my life ends and the very breath of life begins to breath in me.  It is no longer I...no longer I that lives but Christ who lives in me. The end of me is the beginning of what I am here for. Really, truly here for.

He picks me up from that place on the floor and holds me close.  He begins to walk with me and I realize that my feet are dangling and not even hitting the floor.  Because of this I can no longer direct my steps.  I can no longer choose my path.  But it is so safe, so amazing in His arms.  I can feel His heartbeat of love for me.  So I trust that where He takes me is exactly where I am supposed to go.  I hope and pray that I never fight to get down.

The best is yet to come...

I Am Undone (A Homemaker Gives In to the Heartmaker)

I keep thinking that I want this blog to be more about, well, homemaking.  I have some of the most amazing posts in my head just waiting to be typed out on the keyboard.  They are all about the practical things that happen to keep a home running smoothly.  I have some experience with these things and would love to share them.

I am getting in the way though.  You will have to bear with me.

The journey that I am on right now is not one of focusing on the hows and whys of managing a home well.  All of that stuff is important but I am being undone at the moment.

I am undone.

Absolutely undone.

A heap of flesh and tears on the floor in a closet, hidden away from everything else but a Father who wants me here.  Everything else has to wait. It is because I matter. I am important.  I need Him and I need healing.  For years I have loved Him, served Him, acknowledged His hand in my life but seeking Him first?  I was too wounded, too proud to even admit my need.  Unintentionally I served other gods.  I worshiped at the feet of perfection.  I praised motherhood more than my Savior.  Unknowingly of course.   We think that having idols means bowing to a statue (and that is just crazy to most of us) but it isn't.  It is ANYTHING that we put before God.  Anything.

So here I am sharing my heart with anyone who cares to read these words.  I remain undone.  It seems these days I wake and see my life and know that anything I do cannot compare to the work He wants to do.  It requires waiting.  It requires being still.  All of my doing in the past...I wish I would have just been still.  So I wait and in the waiting miracles are happening.  I'll get there... 

In this life, who but the Creator and giver of life says to wait, to be still?  Soak that in for a minute.  All things are possible through Him.  All that we work so hard towards...He is the one who can promote us, take us to the new place we hope to go with our spouses, our children, our homemaking, our ministry, our work.  We can go ahead but then He will only be behind... 

Oh, Let Him be ahead and beside!  Wait!  We need permission to not be organized for some moments, to not be planning and doing.  Practically,  to not be couponing, and cleaning and meal planning and whipping up gourmet what-nots.  We will never get to where we hope to go until we become undone.  Undone of the burdens, the hurts, the fears... Striped down to the bareness of just who we are (in Him).

Then and there I will soar.

I will mount on wings like eagles (having laid every vain thing aside).  I will run and not grow weary.  I will walk and not faint.  I will pick up those things that He intends for me to and leave the things I was never meant to carry.  I can trust Him to use my gifts and not try to take on yours too.

For however long I am here, at this place of stillness and waiting, I invite you to join my journey.  I am confident that God will set things in motion again that will require diligent homemaking.  Right now He is heartmaking and I cannot move until He says "Now go."  Even then, I hope to remember being undone...

What to Lay Down and What to Pick Up

I won't bore you of my list of everyday "To Do's" but they are my excuse to stay focused and get them knocked out. Then my thoughts are invaded by this voice "Is that what you are supposed to be doing today?"  What kind of question is that?  If I don't get these things done the world falls apart right?  Not really.  If I don't listen to the voice then chances are my world falls apart.

You see I am task driven.  I like to get things done, taken care of, checked off.

It is honestly a lot harder for me to be intentional about relationships than it is for me to do tasks. Having 6 children means I really have to work at laying down the tasks and focusing on relationship.  Relationship is what they each need from me. God has given each one of them to my care and they are not a burden but a chance for me to let God work in me.  To change my heart.  To lay down me and surrender to Him.  How dare I think that He can only work inside my limited ideas...my lists?! I am not what I need in order to be a great mother to my kids but He is everything I need to be just that.  So I surrender to the voice.  And you know what?  It blesses me more than checking off a list ever could.

One thing We MUST Teach Our Children

What are some things that you have had to overcome as an adult?  What things happened to you along your life that shaped you and made you see things the way you see them today?  Is the way you see things the truth? 

I grew up in a large family.  I am the second oldest (oldest girl) of 10 children.  As you can imagine we had a busy family.  I still have no idea how my mom did it (does it...she is still raising teenagers).  When I was growing up in our home there was a clear moment that I decided that I needed to not be a burden and that I needed to not put more pressure on my parents.  I saw how busy they were and just decided that I wouldn't demand time from them.  Obviously, I still needed to be parented and I did require their time but what happened for me, in that moment, was that I believed a lie.  I believed that everyone else in our home was somehow more important than I was and I chose to let them be.  Perhaps pride was the open door that let me believe that I could take care of myself but I had no clue that I had swung the door wide to allow rejection to entangle my heart.  The crazy thing is that I (now) know that my parents would have done anything to meet needs that I had for more of their time.  They are amazing parents and have given so much of themselves to each of their children and love us so beautifully.

So, here I am now, a parent myself, to 6 kids no less.  I am busy.  The younger ones are a so much of a handful.  When one of my older daughters and I were having a conversation (there were tears involved) the other day she told me that she really needed me to spend more time with her just the two of us.  Absolutely!  There is no way I won't do whatever I can to meet that need.  I wish I had been humble enough as a child to admit to my needs. 

And then truth...

The truth is that there is an enemy out there who knows the full potential that I have, that You have.  He knows who God made you to be.  He knows who God made your kids to be.  This enemy will stop at nothing to keep you and them from becoming that.  His ammo is lies.  If he can get us to believe lies about ourselves, about others, then he can distract us and get us off course. We become so wounded, so broken and we cannot get past our woundedness to fully be who we are called to be.

We MUST teach our children to take EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5)!  I would often hear that scripture and think "What does that mean? What does it look like to do that?"  The revelation I have had is that we are bombarded with lies and must learn to identify and counteract them.  The enemy doesn't go easy on us as children.  No, he likes to sink his claws in early.  He will feed us lies about rejection, pride, fear, selfishness, what ever he possibly can. Children are innocent and often times not equipped to fight off those lies.  As parents we need to know What God's Word says and believe who we are in Him.  Then we can teach our children the truth and arm them to know what a lie is. 

Think about this, have you ever had a day where you just feel really down?  It seems like all your thoughts are negative and no one cares?  Lies!  What happens when you identify those lies and start taking them captive by choosing to believe and apply scripture?  The lies no longer have power.  Think about how amazing it would be to raise children who are so practiced at applying God's truth that they live and walk in victory over every lie and become ALL that they are intended to become?  They will change the world!

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

 

Have a Blessed Day!!

I Cannot Do It All and Be All...

Just look at these 6 beautiful faces.  These kids are some of the greatest blessings in my life.  Raising them is often challenging.  You see, I have weaknesses.  Those weaknesses make me look at myself and my mothering ability and feel so insecure about raising 6 children to become healthy, well-adjusted adults. It is completely the truth that I cannot do this well and do it right.  The good news, that I have to remind myself of over and over again, is that this is what has been given to me and I will not be left alone with it.  Because I have weaknesses as a mother, my Heavenly Father's strength is made perfect in me...not because I am a failure but because I admit my desperate need for Him.  I allow Him to come in and take over and make up for what I lack.

People often ask how I do it with 6 children and it seems too simple to say that it is only by the grace of God, but it is absolute truth.  I am not a better mother than someone with less children.  I don't have it all together because I have more practice.

I cannot do it all and I cannot be everything my children need me to be, but I can lead them to the one Who can...Who Is.  Part of the greatest success I can have as a mother will be teaching my children that I can never fulfill them, that no one (in this earth) can.   I cannot meet their every need and I cannot do everything that I wish I could for them.  However, I can show them the way to be fulfilled and to how to overcome.  I can help them see that being weak (and admitting a need) is the first step to knowing a strength so perfect. 

In my moments of weakness I am learning to rejoice in the knowledge that it is a chance to see a power so much greater at work in me.  The enemy of my soul would have me bound with terrifying thoughts of failing those I love but, if I choose to listen, I hear the whispers of a God who says "Now, my strength can be made perfect." I choose to bow to that voice.  That voice leads me to victory and leads my children to their own pursuit of godliness...not a self sufficient pursuit of perfection. I would rather be a victorious weakling than attempting life with hopeless perfection.

"My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9a

Blessings,

A Promise for the New Year

Happy New Year Everyone!

I had a lovely Christmas break with my family full of fun memory making.  We also celebrated 3 of the kids birthdays (twins on December 30th and Olivia on the 31st).  I even had some quiet down time to read 2 novels I got for Christmas which is amazing to me because I usually don't have much time to read these days.  I hope you had a lovely time with your family as well.

Of course, now we all turn our attention to the new year and all that we hope it will hold.  Some of us make goals or resolutions that we may or may not keep.  I am starting off the year with a cleanse diet and seeking God for direction for this new year. I continue to learn that Seeking Him first blesses me in more ways that I could have imagined.

Before 2010 God spoke something very clearly to my heart about what 2010 would mean for me.  Looking back it was exactly what my year was about and it is exciting to reflect on all that God did and the promises He fulfilled. So, last month, I began to ask Him for new promises for 2011.  All I heard was one word:

PEACE

Now when I start thinking about what a year will hold that will require peace I don't know about you but I automatically start thinking that I am going to need peace in the midst of a storm.  That isn't exactly exciting to me.  I asked for a little more clarity but didn't hear anything so I decided I would have to trust that, no matter what, I would have peace (or learn to have it) in this new year.

It was then that a little more was revealed...

There were many things on my heart last year (issues with my children, my own health, concerns and prayers for loved ones...).  Most of them were never fully resolved and still hang in the air with the threat of erupting.

"Peace."

My God, who has done amazing things for me over the past 365 days, started laying out all of the concerns that had been piling up in my mind and heart and spoke to every last one of them and said "peace."  Since I know that His word is alive and active when He speaks to all those things and says "peace" then there must be peace. 

So can you imagine my excitement about this year already?!  I want to fully embrace what a year of peace means for me.  I am sure there are depths of it that I do not even understand yet and will look back at the end of the year and go "Ah ha! That is what it meant."   

So what is God speaking to your heart about what this new year holds for you?  I promise He is speaking and if you will take the time to seek Him you will find Him and His promises for you.  Perhaps you need peace in your life too.  Maybe it isn't overwhelming or extremely difficult but perhaps you, like me, just need God Almighty to speak to all the concerns of your heart and say "peace."