Overcoming the Cycle of Defeat

Things had been a mess for me for a while. You see God had been undoing me in order to set me free.  Being undone can get messy.  It is so worth it but messy nonetheless. The old way of doing and being just wasn’t working and, as I waited on God to fix my mess for me, I become overwhelmed with it all.

My old priorities and schedules didn’t work in my new life. I have the life of a busy mom of 6 but I can’t, I just can’t, go back to the broken and bound way of doing things!  Those ways only appeared to be working but were in fact quite broken. They were undone and I must leave them undone in order to walk in freedom.  I put aside some good things in order to do the great things.  To a girl who likes to be in control and organized this was really hard. How could I live in a mess and be happy?  Naturally I couldn’t.

For the longest time I cried out to God about my mess.

"God, I can't stay in top of everything."

"God, nothing is working for me to overcome my mess."

And He tells me that I must stay in my mess for a little while longer because no one else but He can make my mess into something beautiful.

So I attempt to courageously battle the mess a few more days.

And then it happens.

I hear myself.

I hear:

"I can't do this."

"I can't stay on top of anything."

"this is too hard."

"I am stuck."

And a gentle whisper reminds me who I am listening to in my mess. The father of lies had invited me to his mess party and I had been dancing with him over and over and over again.

"you can't do this" he says.

"I can't do this" I repeat.

“you can’t stay on top of anything.”

"I can't stay on top of anything."

“this is too hard for you.”

"this is too hard for me."

“you are stuck.”

"I am stuck."

The crazy thing is that I have already seen the Mountain Mover move my mountains and break off my chains.  My mess and being stuck in it are all about who I listen to in the mess.

I could literally smack myself for buying into the lies.  It isn’t easy to always identify when I am repeating lies fed to me but as I practice taking every thought captive I am getting better at it.  Oh, and my attitude and outlook, even in messes, is so much better. 

Who would have thought that I would actually be happy about having a messy life to teach me that seeking first the Kingdom of God also means that I choose to see God’s perspective first above what I see with my limited human vision. Now the conversations in my head are far different.  With my ears open to the truth I hear things like:

"You can do all things through Me.”

“Nothing is too hard for Me.”

“I will give you rest.”

“Wisdom is yours when you just ask and believe.”

It’s a journey but I’m getting there.  Oh, and the messes?  They are slowly being overcome.

Just a Messy Place

Hello Friends! I actually wrote this post a couple months ago and never posted it.  I think perhaps I didn't want to post it because it is a post with fewer answers than questions.  However, God has done so much in my heart since then and I want to share those things but also thought it would be good to share where I came from. Then you can rejoice with me about how a gracious, loving Father heard my pleas and met me where I was. Here's the post:

I have been in such a messy place lately.  I know that may sound strange but I really feel as though everything in my life has changed and I have no control and cannot get my barrings. I used to be so organized and on top of it all but that was before my freedom came.  Now, I stand, in freedom, knee deep in a messy life.  My house is a constant mess (except for the one day a week it gets cleaned up) and my schedule is a blob of activity that I hope to accomplish.  Homeschooling is strange to say the least.  It is going well...I think.  My kids have learned so much truth about God this year.  They have watched their mom transform in front of their very faces but the papers are scattered and the grades unentered.

God has said "write" and so I am but I look at the projects undone and wonder who will do them.  

I have been desperate to get out of this place.  I am desperately seeking vision. True vision that is God given so that I accomplish His will and not my own.  I have cried out for wisdom and seen it come but not for the mundane messy that I am experiencing right now.

I am fighting desperately to keep my eyes on my Savior to rescue me and direct me.  Some days I just think I need a Flylady intervention but that won't fix the level of brokenness that only a Savior can fix. Brokenness is not a bad thing.  If we aren't broken we have no need of saving.  Needs are what drive us to dependence on God.

While waiting on God for answers to my mess, I hear Him say "Where you are is just a messy place. Look for the joy in it. Enjoy it while you are here. Don't try to fix it because you can never make it as beautiful as I can."

Hello! {I'm Still Here}

Hello friends!  I have been taking some time away from blogging to focus on truly being purposeful.  There is nothing like a person, who hopes to be purposeful and encourage others to do the same, letting their priorities get out of whack.  So the quietness around here is only because I am taking in the noise of life.  I am remembering to stop and listen to the noise of children who crave attention and a husband who deserves the best part of me. 

I am back though, refreshed and ready to write again.  I have so much on my heart to share and am eager to do so.  My sharing of my heart here may not be frequent or even predictable but then again neither is the life of a mom of 6 kids.

I am very humbled by your presence here and grateful that you stick with me.  Even if you don’t comment I want you to know how grateful I am for you.  I pray for all of you and I know that it is no small thing to have a voice to speak into others lives whether it is one person or many.

Have a WONDERFUL day and stay tuned to hear all about how I have discovered the key to loving doing laundry and grocery shopping. I promise I haven’t gone crazy {smile}!