A good mom puts God first and then He provides all that she needs
A good mom knows and believes who God says He is
A good mom knows who God says she is and believes it (or works towards believing it)
A good mom lays down the trying and Let's the Holy Spirit be fruitful in and through her
A good mom learns to shrink her problems not with worry but with praise
A good mom doesn't give in to fear but rather confronts fear with truth
A good mom makes mistakes, gives herself grace, and reclaims the truth that she is a good mom
So you see, being a good mom really has little to do with going all out for birthday parties or having the best dressed kids. All of the fruit in your life from learning to be submitted to God, and listening to the Holy Spirit, keeps you on the right path and helps you to make good choices.
But what about action? What about when your days feel like you are barely holding your head above water and you don't know how to change what you are doing to get a better outcome? What about when you feel like the last thing you want to do is let the laundry pile keep growing but you feel like you are supposed to play with your kids but...you choose the laundry? How do you change?
The bad news is that change can be really hard. In order to change your habits you need to have a heart {belief} change.
I know this from experience. I am a master list maker and the lists I tend to make most are the ones that never get checked off. They are the ones that organize my days and have me being the perfect mom by accomplishing an amazing amount of "goodness" each and every day. They are the ones that have the perfect balance of housework and playtime with the kids scheduled in and even include some "me time."
Why do these lists never seem to work? I believe it is one part discipline, one part life as a mom always has curve-balls, another part is it's simply over-scheduled and therefore impossible.
Before, you get frustrated, as I tend to get when things look hopeless, I want to offer some advice for fulfilling your dreams of becoming a good mom.
Because we all dream of being a
We all have a picture in our mind of what a good mom looks like. She may be perfectly fit and always be dressed well. She may be involved in every activity each of her kids does. She may be a gourmet cook and an excellent baker. She may have the most organized home that is always clean and always be ready to entertain. She may have taught her kids to be perfectly polite and always obedient. She may pursue her dreams with intense passion. She may be the life of the party and the "hostess with the mostess." She may be crafty and creative in multiple ways. Her kids may have the healthiest and best looking lunches and the biggest and best birthday parties.
My question for you is: What is your picture of a good mom?
Stop here for a moment and really think about it. What do you imagine, dream and wish you were like?
Write it down. Go ahead and do it now... and be very honest with yourself. What are all of the things you wish you were, you did, and could achieve? This may take some time to think through.
Here is an example of a list:
- She teaches her kids a biblical worldview
- She teaches her kids the true nature of God
- She knows her children’s love languages and speaks to them
- She finds her children’s gifts and talents and develops them
- She is peaceful and doesn’t yell
- She has fun with her husband and shows her kids he is a priority
- Allows her children’s friends to spend time in her home and makes them feel welcome
- She has lots of fun with her kids and gives them great memories
- She makes healthy homemade lunches everyday
- She is frugal
- She plans out meals well in advance
- She is well dressed and dresses her kids well
- She has an organized home
- She has a clean home
- She gardens
- She decorates (or learns to decorate) her home in a lovely way
- She teaches her girls to show respect to boys and teaches her boys how to show love to girls.
- She takes good care of herself
- She spends quality time developing her own friendships
- She teaches her kids how to handle money well.
- She makes a big deal about celebrations like birthdays and uses her creativity to bless others
Have your list?
Now, let's take these lists and pray about them.
Father, you know us. You created us. You have given us gifts and talents and dreams. We hold these things in our hands and ask that you help us to loosen our grip so that you can sort through them for us.
We ask you for wisdom to know which of these things are worthy of pursuit, which things we need to lay down and which things we need to lighten up on. Speak truth to our hearts about how you see these things.
Teach us to order our lives putting you first, then our husbands and next our children. We ask that you take our lists and give us an eternal perspective about them. Help us to pursue only what is truly good and worthy of our time, energy and passion. If we have any desires that are not from you please remove those desires.
Father, grant us discipline and a good attitude to do the things that we should do even when we don't desire to do them. Keep us on the right path and line up our priorities. Amen.
Now look at your list again.
What is the Holy Spirit saying to you about it? What are the things He is highlighting and what is He crossing off? What is He saying "not yet" about?
What are the priorities on the list?
Now make a new list. Put your priorities at the top, leaving space in between. These are the things that are a must for you. They may be pretty broad. Here are mine:
1. Spending time with God every day and reading His Word.
2. Showing my husband respect and that He is the most important thing in my life next to God
3. Quality time with my kids
4. Pursuing good health for myself and my family
5. Keeping my home well, always ready for hospitality (peaceful, not perfect)
6. Pursuing my God-given dreams
Then under each of them you can list what it looks like for you to do that. You can even write out each of your kids names and what they need from you and the same for your husband.
Now this list becomes what you MUST do in a day. You just wrote out your priorities. This is what you should commit to doing before you pursue anything else. If this list doesn't allow space for other things then they have to wait for days where you have extra time.
Keep your list where you will see it often and work at (with prayer and grace for yourself) really seeing your priorities become what you take care of first.
Now look at all of the other things on your previous list. Some of them will, perhaps, fit into the categories of your priorities. Others will not.
I want you to know that God has an amazing way of multiplying our time when we seek Him first and do the things He has for us to do. Trust me, I am constantly amazed by this! God sees your heart, knows your desires and gives you dreams. You already asked Him to take away any desires that are not from Him, and He will. Let Him show you the things that are truly God-given.
Write down the rest of your desires below your list of priorities. List them in order of importance to you. If you long to write, or teach your children to sew, or speak a new language, or take up running, or make crafts with your kids every day, or always have fresh goodies baked when they come home from school, or a reading hour every day, or whatever it may be for you, write them down and put them in order.
None of these things should happen before you get your priorities in order but they are good and will help you to know what to pursue when you have time and what to lay down. Remember you are not striving for perfection. You are seeking God for what He has for you and your family.
Continue to lay your list down on the altar for God to mold and shape into His desire and plans for you. Let Him refine it for you as you work toward keeping your priorities first.
Doesn't it feel good to have something you can see that shows you your priorities, what you CAN do? Doesn't it help to know that you are doing the most important things? Now you can focus on what you ARE doing and not just on what you aren't doing.
I really hope this helps you. If you have other ideas or ways to sort out your priorities I would love to hear about them!
I pray you have a blessed week and feel renewed and refreshed as you seek God for fresh vision for your life.
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