The Mom Guilt Epidemic and A Cure

He breaks into a big wail and tears start flowing freely down his face.  "You promised" he says and I feel my stomach sink a bit and his words sting.  I had indeed promised and due to circumstances I couldn't keep my promise.

Then the guilt comes, not in a trickle but a big, fat, drenching wave.  "You are so not a good mom!  Your son is going to have deep scars all of his life because of how you have hurt him.  This is just another way you have failed."

I hear the thoughts and they are guilt but guilt sounds a lot like fear.  In fact it is.  Guilt is fear.

This "mom guilt," as we call it, is really mom fear. Fear that we are failing and somehow bringing everyone else down with us.  Fear that we cannot conquer what we are meant to conquer.

I adjust in my chair after sitting just a bit too long while writing at my favorite coffee shop.  I cannot concentrate on the keys to type out what is in my head because I cannot help but hear the conversation going on next to me.

Three moms, beyond me in their years, are discussing their guilt over getting away from kids for a few moments together.  One of them has a sick child and the others comfort her with "don't feel guilty! You NEED this time."  And yet they all admit that they still feel guilty.

These thoughts are swirling in my head as I read yet another blog post about a mom who has willed herself to not feel guilty.  "Yeah for her!" I think, but then I wonder about tomorrow.  What happens the next time she fails? What happens when the kids complain or things she had hoped to do get left undone?'

It's an epidemic, this "mom guilt" plague.  It's rampant. It's spreading and there is no vaccine; no cure as it seems.

Do we just go with it? Do we just keep picking ourselves up? Yes! We do, but like I said before, mom guilt is fear.  Are we supposed to keep letting fear knock us down?  Isn't there a point when we get to overcome?

Here's the thing: mom guilt will always be looming.  It's presented there for us to pick up and wear or let go of and turn away from.  It's not pretty, I promise you that much.  It's ugly and heavy and somehow stains everything that it brushes up against. 

It steals joy. Pulls you away from every moment.  It saps your strength and energy.

So why would we choose it? Why would we pick it up and clothe ourselves with it? Because we don't know what else to put on.  We need to cover our nakedness with something.  Sometimes wallowing in "mom guilt" feels better than feeling vulnerable, frail and weak.

But we are.  We ARE frail. We ARE weak. We are just learning how to do this mom thing.

Sit in that for a moment.

You are not an expert and your Heavenly Father never intended for you to get this mothering thing perfect. He wants us to need Him.  And we do, desperately so!

So, I dare you...dare you to take off the filthy rags of mom guilt and lay them before Him.  Soak up His acceptance.  Bask in His strength made perfect in your weakness {He knows each weakness and He even loves that aspect about you. Don't fight them so hard just ask Him to be strong in them}.

Mom guilt is fear and God NEVER gives us fear.  He is always good, always loving, always exchanges fear for power, love and a sound mind. His love even covers a multitude of sins and He causes all things to work together for our good...even our mistakes.

So you see, there is no reason for mom guilt.  None! Your loving Heavenly Father never asked you to put it on, never asks you to wear it.  He only wants you to take it off and lay it before Him.  I promise you He will exchange it for beauty, peace, love and joy.

Will you take my dare?  Shall we start a revolution of moms who say no to mom guilt?

We are making our way through a series on How to REALLY be a Good Mom.  In case you missed it you can catch up here.  I promise it's not what you think.  It's all about laying down the "bad mom" mentality and walking in the truth that God has declared you to be a good mom already.  You just need to believe it and walk in it.
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