How To Be There For A Friend Who Has Lost A Baby

We've all been there.  Those moments when words just won't surface.  They are stuck in our hearts but our brains can't force them into anything adequate in the moment.

The unimaginable has happened to someone you love dearly and you are at a loss on how to comfort.  If you are wondering how to be a blessing during a time that seems anything but blessed here is some help for your heart to find words and actions that show you care.

1. Understand that you can bring comfort but you are not the Comforter.
Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom first and foremost. Each person is different and each handles loss differently.  Ask The Comforter to speak through you.

2. Know that tears are a good thing
Don't be afraid of her tears.  They may make us uncomfortable but why?  Tears bring healing.  They are a pouring out only to be filled again.  Let them come and don't try to stop them.

3. Don't avoid speaking of the loss unless you are asked to.
Most women I have met, myself included, who have lost a child, want to talk about them.  Their memories and hopes and dreams for their child are a large part of their lives. Even though the memories may bring about tears and sadness it is so healing for her to share what she loves and misses about her child and it is tremendously comforting to hear about how the life, that was so important to her, is meaningful to others as well.

4. Remember
Write the date of the loss on your calendar and remember with cards, emails, and maybe even flowers on anniversaries.  A mom never forgets her baby and it is a huge blessing to have others remember with you.

5. Don't make God out to be the bad guy.
Please don't say that God needed another angel in heaven and that is why He took this child.
Death is in our world because of sin and decay.  God is good and His will for us is life.  He doesn't need to kill babies or children to add flowers to his garden or create more angels.  Yes, he allows death (which is ultimately the most amazing healing of the sick because heaven is their home) but this really belittles the life of a child which was so valuable to their parent and even more than that it belittles our ever-loving Heavenly Father.  He is good all of the time and there is no wrong in Him.  The child that died had a life of value on this side of heaven (even if it never made it alive out of the womb).  That life impacts all who come into contact with his/her parents.

6. Ask how you can help
Be there with meals, phone calls, cards, babysitting, however you can help.  Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.  He will show you when there is an unspoken need that you can meet. 

7. Pray for healing 

Pray that God will heal your friend's heart completely from the loss and that the enemy will have no place to lie to them about it.  Let them know you are praying for them and ask them if there are specific ways you can pray for them.

8. Don't expect that healing means no more sadness
A person can heal very well from a loss, especially when they are letting God do a complete work in them, but don't expect that to mean they will no longer have sadness or tears over it.  A loss means that you will miss that person for as long as you are not with them.  The heart heals and it gets easier but the missing never goes away. 

Have you lost a baby?  What do you wish others would have said or not said, done or not done?

If you've ever lost a child, read here what I want you to know. Also, here is part 2 of this post.

I am working on an eBook to encourage mothers, who have experienced a loss, with what God's Word has to say about death and loss. It will be out shortly and I will offer it for free on this site.  Sign up to receive Purposeful Homemaker by email to be notified of when it is released.

Blessings Unlimited- Beautiful Products to Display Your Faith {And A Giveaway!}

 Me & My House Wall Decor

Have you heard of Blessings Unlimited?  I had seen their products around the internet and my heart was tugged on each time as I saw a beautiful piece of art or decor that spoke loudly of God's truths and was displayed on a wall or in a home for all who pass by to see. 

It occurred to me that these products could be a profound tool in raising a godly family and sharing good news with those who bless your home with their presence.  And if you enjoy making your home into a place of beauty, refuge, hospitality and a place where sweet memories are made then you will appreciate how Blessings Unlimited products work towards those goals.

When I was contacted about promoting Blessings Unlimited I couldn't think of anything better to  promote on Purposeful Homemaker.  I believe in their goals, I agree with their heart and I think their products are simply beautiful and meaningful.

When you give a Blessings Unlimited gift you are sharing God's love and encouragement with others.  Each item is beautiful and well made.  You can be sure that they are more than just a gesture of kindness but also sowing seeds of love and hope into a life.

Now, for the fun part: a GIVEAWAY! I am giving away a set of Blessings Blocks (see picture below) that can spell out 13 different words from a provided list. These are cute and fun and your family will enjoy having new words to be encouraged by. You can hang them on a wall (vertically or horizontally) or set them on a shelf.

To Enter: Leave me a comment and let me know what you like about Blessings Unlimited.  Winner will be drawn randomly this Sunday, February 5th at 11:59 PM EST. 

From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16 NIV

Disclosure: I was approached and asked to share Blessings Unlimited on Purposeful Homemaker and have since become a consultant. You can become a Consultant too by visiting here. Any purchases you make through the pictures or links in this post will allow me to earn a commission that goes towards building and expanding Purposeful Homemaker.

I Want You To Be Like Me

I know this woman, well, I at least watch her, learn from her, maybe not know her.   She is not the type who has it all together (she admits this freely) but she does life beautifully, humbly.  I look at her and I see what I would like to be like.

The other day I was having a conversation with God about her:

Me: "She is so beautiful in the way that she lives.  Do I not lay down enough of me that I could be like her?"

God: "Don't believe that your path is her path."

Me: "Doesn't she do it right though?  Hasn't she figured out how to please you, how to serve you?"

God: "I don't think any less or any more of you than I do of her."

Me: "It is just so hard to not want to be like her."

God: "I want you to be like me."

Wow!


I could argue that she is like He and therefore to be like her is to be like Him but do I ever want Him to be filtered to me through anyone else?  No!  I want my portion of Him and to live as He has made me.

I am like a mountain that has been carved over time by rushing waters.  The waters of life have shaped me into who I am.  God has faithfully convicted and molded me into more and more of a Christ-like image and, as I yield to the process, I am made more like Him and less like me. 

You can pay tribute to a beautiful life by praising the God who is reflected from that life.  Because, after all, is there anything good in us?  All of any good in us is Him.

So all of the good in her, this woman I adore, should lead me to praise a God who makes His beauty to shine through a humble being.  And isn't that what she would want?  To know that her life lifts and leads others to Him...her source for any and all beauty that she wears.

Yes, she would want that.  All glory to God who calls me His own.  So I whisper back to God:

"I only want to be like you."

Disclosure: The picture is from DaySpring and includes an affiliate link.

Purposeful God

 

A sweet friend and her daughter

My blog title is more about reminding me to be purposeful than it is a statement that I am purposeful.  I have a long way to go...

Recently I was reminded how purposeful God is though.  Something happened to one of my daughters that threw me.  I couldn't understand the whys of it but what I did know was that God had purposefully prepared me for that moment to deal with her hurt and disappointment...to lead her to Him.

The thing is though, that I only arrived at the place of being prepared by going through some tough times myself.

Again I think of how purposefully God allowed me to go through what I would need to be equipped for a moment in the future.  This moment that He knew was coming for her.

And it reminds me of the depths of His love.

Suffering is never in vain. Never for nothing.  Always, ultimately for our good.  If only we could just know it in the moment...

I strive to be purposeful, as a daughter watches her Papa and follows in His footsteps.  May I be okay with a little suffering for good things that will come in marriage, in parenting, in life.  May I never forget that God loves me so deeply and whatever I am in at the moment, is all about how much He loves me and wants to love others through me.

Can you see any ways that God has purposefully prepared you for a moment in your life or the life of someone else?

Introducing Sisters In Bloom! Come Join Us!

Don't we all want a place to belong?  A place where we fit in and are welcome just as we are?  A place where we can share our struggles and have others rejoice with us in our breakthroughs?  We all want a place to be at home, to be ourselves.

Let me invite you to such a place.  It's called Sisters In Bloom and you can find me there along with 33 other women who have hearts just like you and I.  We want to encourage you, bless you, minister to you and pray for you.  We want to blossom and bloom and invite you to do so along with us.

I will be linking to Sisters In Bloom often now since I will be writing there on a monthly basis. I would love for you to come be a part of it and share in the community with us. 

Won't you join us?  Let me know if you'll be meeting me there.  You can come hang out and chat with us on Facebook too.  See you there!

Grace and Gobs of Toothpaste

This post has moved to my new blog here.

Deep, Marvelous Love

May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. Ephesians 3:17b

How do we become all that we are meant to be?  How do we take risks and steps toward the fullness of life that we desire and that God has for us?  


When you know how magnificent God's love for you is then you are confident that He has your back.  


Recently I have been hearing from God in the most unusual way.  I believe He is solidifying for me what a lot of people who become Christians as adults already know, that He loves them no matter what they've done or what they will do.  Growing up in a Christian home and having been a good girl, there wasn't a lot in my life that led me to this revelation.


I've been hearing things like "If you did this (insert awful thing here), I would still love you immensely."

And it repeats over and over in moments when I least expect it.  

Some may think that is permission to do those things and give in to any temptation.  After all, God would still love me.  

However, knowing that God loves me so incredibly much makes me want to serve Him to the best of my ability.  It makes me desire righteous living and to dwell even more deeply in relationship with Him. 

It stirs my heart with bold confidence to do, to be. all that I have lovingly been designed to be.  He's got my back and He loves me so very much that I can trust Him in every way. 

You are loved wildly, passionately, and unending.  You. Are. Loved. 


You.  Without any works. Without any stuff.  

I'm praying for you today that your roots will go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.  Experience it!

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:19

My Word for 2012

I love having a word for a new year.  Last year I shared my word for the year and it is amazing to look back and see how my year fit into that word. 

I sought God again for His plan and purpose for 2012 and I heard the most amazing word:

Rest

Just the thought of rest being the describing word for my year makes my feel so full.  Rest could not have described the past few years of mine by any stretch of the imagination and rest is something I have longed for.

I know my God though and when He speaks words to me it doesn't always mean that my world suddenly fits neatly into a box of whatever word I have received for the year.  Last year my word was peace and it was more about knowing the God who is peace than not experiencing anything that tried to bring about fear. I learned though that I can cling to Him and experience amazing peace in the midst of storms.  It is who He is. The Prince of Peace.

So I am not sure if rest defines my 2012 as a year of rest or rather a year of learning to rest in an all knowing, good, present and powerful God no matter what is going on around me.  Either way, I welcome it. 

This year I am choosing to rest and simplify.  I am forgetting what is behind and pressing on.  I am removing burdens and weights (both physical and mental) of things undone.  I am laying down what I was not meant to carry.  I am excited about all this new year holds!

How about you?  Do you have a word for the new year? 

You are ALL that God says you are!

I continue to think about yesterday's post and how I might make it more clear.  The Bible is full of descriptions of how God sees us.  He says we are adopted, His friend, loved, more than conquerors, purchased, forgiven, set free, victorious, and many more.

If you believe that God is real and His Word is true than all of these promises are true about you.  Whether you embrace them, walk in them, and believe them or not, they are true.  But the power in them comes when you agree with them and believe them. It is like the activation switch that turns that truth on for you.

Think about it this way, If God says you are loved but you had a father who was less than loving you may have a really hard time seeing Father God as loving and walking in the understanding that you are loved unconditionally.  It isn't until you experience God's love that you start believing it and then in turn start acting like you are valuable and loved.  Do you see where the breakdown can be?

So when I said in the last post that you are good, you may or may not have a hard time buying it.  Because we are Christians and are redeemed and are operating not in our own capacity,  but in the power of the Holy Spirit we are equipped with everything we need to be everything God says that we are.  When we embrace what He says about us and believe it we become it.  Agreeing with it activates it in us.

I would encourage you to seek out all that God says about you in His Word and begin to believe it even if you don't feel it yet.  You will begin to become it when you agree with God about who He's called you to be.  Then you will become unstoppable in your calling.

The enemy's greatest weapon is lies about who you really are.  That is how he attempts to disarm us and get us off track.  If you believe that you are bad then you are agreeing with him instead of God and you become what you believe.

Let's stand up against the lies of the enemy and walk in more victory than ever before by believing this:

You are ALL that God says you are!

On How to Really Be a Good Mom

This post has moved over to my new blog: The Beautiful Deep.  Click here to read it.

A New Year

Happy 2012 friends!  I hope you are as excited about the potential for this new year as I am. A new year means an opportunity for a fresh start if we should choose to take it.  God allows us so many do overs and we can confidently leave behind the failings of our past knowing that He makes all things new.

My heart has been overflowing this last month as I took a break from blogging to spend time with my family.  I really enjoyed the break and the more relaxed schedule but I am excited to be get back to writing and sharing what I have been learning.

Last year was an equally wonderful and difficult year for me.  It was wonderful because God pulled me more deeply into freedom and difficult because freedom often requires dying to something: a habit, a way of thinking, a mindset, myself...

Freedom is worth the cost though.  Freedom always has cost.  The freedom of our country cost lives.  The freedom of our souls and spirits cost Jesus His life.  But He freely gave, so that we could freely receive. To receive freedom we must die to ourselves and take up our cross to follow Him.

My prayer this year for you, and for me, is that we will walk into more freedom than ever before.  That we will cling to our Savior as opposed to those things that blind us to truth. That we will have the courage to let go and trust God's ever loving, gentle touch as He breaks off the chains of bondage in our lives so that we can walk as we truly were meant to.   Won't you join me?

What are your expectations for this new year?  Are you able to let go of what is in the past and press on knowing that there are new mercies every morning?